The following is an actual report, but with all the identifying features removed.
The G Factor
By Janice Rover
SUMMARY
I enjoyed reading the first twelve chapters of The G Factor . It is written in a very accessible, easy-going style and I can hear Godwin quite clearly as he recounts with bewilderment each new spiritual journey. I suspect that I would rather like him and he would make a splendid dinner guest, able to enliven the evening with exaggerated stories and considerable wit.
One thing that is not clear is age of the target audience. The book seems to fit an adult audience because the episodes are most humorous when contrasted with the reader’s own experiences and set in context, which requires a reasonable depth of knowledge. However, the first chapter suggests that Godwin is passing on his experiences to a younger generation, perhaps of teenagers, and this seems to be confirmed regularly throughout the book. Much of the humour in the book is based upon observation of characters and situations that are probably unfamiliar to the majority of teenagers. I am not sure, therefore, whether the subject matter would be wholly suited to this age group and suggest that it be targeted more clearly at an adult audience.
Godwin’s mode of speech quite rightly changes within and across chapters depending upon whether he is addressing the reader now or from his diary. Occasionally, however, the changes left me with a feeling of uncertainty. Was this Godwin speaking as a hip forty-something, a quotation directly from his diary or perhaps an up-to-date interpretation of his diary? You have chosen to use Godwin’s voice throughout, but given yourself a hard task by having him address the reader from more than one perspective and time. Some more work on this will pay dividends.
Godwin’s search for spiritual fulfilment, though told with humour and deliberate exaggeration, comes across as authentic. I don’t know whether his various encounters are completely or partly based upon personal experience or on research, but, whatever the inspiration may be, they have a ring of truth. This is important as it enables the reader to see absurdity in his everyday surroundings. ‘This,’ he thinks, ‘could happen to me.’ Getting the reader involved is vital and you have achieved it well.
The various episodes follow each other without any real pause for reflection and there is little exploration of how they might affect other aspects of Godwin’s life and relationships. These are aspects that could be developed.
Is The G Factor marketable? As I have pointed out in preceding paragraphs, several aspects of the book are strong. For me, the greatest strengths are your ability to write in a distinctive, chatty style that draws the reader in to the world you have created, a good turn of phrase and easy wit, and some imaginative situations. However, these are not enough and there is more work to do on the aspects that need developing if you want to impress an agent or publisher.
The following sections cover those aspects that may need extra work. Forgive me for the fact that the report will sound rather negative from now on.
MAJOR POINTS
Target audience
The first page seems to be aimed at young people – ‘When I was at school…’ – although the actual age group is not clear. There is a slightly Just-So-Stories feel that suggests the 9 to 12 age range and this continues to some extent as we learn about Ellie Wainthorp. However, some of the vocabulary suggests slightly older children and the subject matter of the book as a whole would certainly match teenagers better, that is, if you are aiming at children at all. This age range would also be better placed to draw the inferences that are necessary both for grasping much of what is happening and building a mental picture of Godwin. The drawback for teenagers (and even more so for younger readers) is that they have extremely limited experience of spiritual teachings, eccentric spiritual leaders and of public group-meetings in general. They will almost all know something about the major world religions through their studies at school, but their knowledge will be more academic than spiritual and focus more on culture than belief. The exception to this will be a small minority of teenagers who come from home backgrounds where spiritual matters are discussed openly. The majority of this age group will find it hard to appreciate much of the humour that is aimed at spiritual searchers and also at the range of characters who attend unusual evening meetings on all manner of subjects. On the other hand, teenagers are likely to enjoy a lot of the language and Godwin’s sense of humour and bumbling self-searching.
This leaves us with adults. To some extent, this audience is also limited by experience of spiritual searching, though there is a much greater chance that adults will be able to borrow experiences from other books and media. Adults are also far more likely to have attended small public meetings and either there or elsewhere to have seen the sort of eccentric characters who appear in The G Factor . For these reasons, the book is perhaps more suited to adults. For an adult audience the drawback is that Godwin addresses himself to young people and this could put off the readers. Having said this, it is possible to write apparently to children while actually doing so for adults. A classic example, though very different from The G Factor , is 1066 and all that , which purports to be a history book for youngsters but can only be properly appreciated after learning history at school. This might be a possible way forward, but your pitch to agents and publishers would have to be cleverly written and they might still feel that the market was doubtful.
None of the above is intended to put you off or guide you in a particular direction. It is important, however, that you aim more accurately at your target audience and so you will need to review this aspect carefully.
Godwin’s voice
Perhaps the easiest way to explain the concerns I expressed in the summary is to offer an example.
On Page 30, I am not clear when Godwin is speaking. Is the passage from ‘Three o’clock in the morning’ from his diary? The language in the longer paragraphs suggests so, but the short paragraphs don’t fit into a diary style. ‘Yawn’ on Page 32 brings me in to the present and several paragraphs thereafter seem to confirm this. Then, on Page 33, ‘Do I sound fed up? Hey, forgive me,’ Godwin seems to stop addressing his diary and speaks directly to the audience.
There is nothing wrong with having Godwin addressing different audiences – his diary, the reader, himself etc. – but you need to distinguish clearly between them. You also need to use tenses carefully. You may find it helpful to write sections in more distinctively different styles. Most people, for example, write in a slightly more formal style than they speak and this might be reflected in the diary by cutting out single-line paragraphs. The format might also change to help the reader (and it might help you too!)
What else is happening in Godwin’s life?
Each episode of spiritual searching is enjoyable in its own right and informs the reader about Godwin’s state of mind within that context. The episodes are less successful when strung together. This is partly because the plot lacks variety; everything is on the same subject. The main reason though, is that Godwin’s character develops relatively little across the episodes. Although the humour continues throughout, I became less involved as the book progressed because the narrative remained entirely focused on this one aspect of Godwin’s life. In order to show how he develops as a person over time, you would need to ask how his spiritual searching affected his relationships, work, etc. This would have the added effect of breaking up the episodes and introducing sub-plots, which would provide more colour and depth as well as variety. I am intrigued to know about Godwin’s family and their reactions to his search for fulfilment. Why is he living in digs? What does he do to earn a living? Does he have any friends? What about girlfriends? How do people down the pub respond to having a would-be spiritual healer in their midst? Answers to these (and a host of other) questions would allow the reader to see Godwin’s character grow in so many more directions, yet still with the focus on the spiritual search.
I have attached some generic advice about building characters. Only some of it is relevant to what I have suggested here, but the rest is interesting in its own right.
OTHER POINTS
Paragraphing
The use of so many short paragraphs is not every publisher’s cup of tea. In my opinion, it generally works in this book. It seems to suit the way that Godwin talks. Be aware, however, that some readers will be irritated by this style of writing.
The use of inference
In my opinion, you have quite rightly left it to the reader to visualise Godwin for himself, drawing inferences from the narrative. You have not fallen in to the trap of giving contrived descriptions through comments from third parties. Without being told any details, I can almost see him giving little puzzled looks or sinking back in his chair in alarm as someone advances upon him. His turn of phrase and the naivety with which he explores each new spiritual path tells me a lot about him within each episode.
Godwin is a man
Well, of course he is! However, I found myself a little confused and slightly annoyed when I discovered this. The picture that I had already built in my mind was of a woman. The clues, especially in the first chapter, all lead to that conclusion. Surprise gender-benders can be effective in the right context, but I don’t think that this is one of them because it taught me nothing about the character or myself. It is more a practical joke than a meaningful revelation. When reading a humorous book the reader wants to be the one who laughs, not the butt of the humour.
Economy of language
You use some wonderful phrases. ‘Alert with purpose’, for instance, says far more than one might expect from the number of words. More please!
Date
The book is not set in any particular time, although it is clearly modern. There are just a few bits that might date it, such as the giving of an actual cost for a series of meetings. I wonder whether it would be better to leave out such a detail and so make it timeless. The alternative would be to use the diary or other clues to give actual dates. It is perhaps better to have either one thing or the other.
Presentation
I have attached some generic advice, some of which will be useful to you.
CONCLUSIONS
The G Factor is a book with distinct possibilities. Given some careful attention it could develop into a marketable book and I can see a quirky sit-com series, although the climate in TV is not favourable at present for such programming. The main aspects on which to work are:
- the intended target group;
- the breadth of Godwin’s character and scope of the book beyond the spiritual episodes themselves.
Writing is hard work, as you have no doubt realised already. You certainly have the ability to write good, clear prose that engages and challenges the reader. With determination and perseverance, you will be able to increase your skills in other aspects. I urge you to carry on.